Wednesday, November 25, 2009

100 Things for Which I Am Thankful

1 Beautiful Daughters, 2 a GOOD Book, 3 Spaghetti, 4 Friends, 5 a Home, 6 Health, 7 Jesus Christ, 8 a Husband Who Provides for His Family, 9 Smiles, 10 GOOD Food, 11 Girls' Night Out, 12 Sisters, 13 the Gospel, 14 Fruit Trees, 15 Psych - the TV Show, 16 Serving in Young Women with Great Girls, 17 Seasons, 18 Freedom, 19 Intelligence, 20 Neighbors, 21 Romantic Comedies, 22 Being Able to Feel My Baby Move, 23 Holidays and Reasons to Celebrate, 24 an Education, 25 Parents, 26 New Clothes, 27 Dancing Shows, 28 Stubbornness, 29 Laughter, 30 Diet Coke, 31 Blogs, 32 a Car, 33 Brothers, 34 Chocolate, 35 Grandparents, 36 Soup, 37 an Opinion, 38 Hugs & Kisses, 39 Hearing LuV say "Hey You" to Me, 40 My Bed, 41 Vacations, 42 8 Hours of Continuous Sleep, 43 Compliments, 44 a Clean House, 45 In-Laws, 46 No Laundry, 47 EM and LuV Being Friends, 48 Dreams, 49 Feeling the Spirit, 50 Love, 51 Flowers, 52 Surprises, 53 Forgiveness, 54 GOOD Days, 55 Clean Teeth, 56 Exercise, 57 Fires in Fireplaces, 58 Music, 59 Patience when I Need it, 60 Haircuts, 61 Indoor Plumbing, 62 when EM Listens, 63 a Trip to the Store without Kids, 64 My Kitchen, 65 Photographs, 66 Quiet Moments, 67 Internet Shopping, 68 PBS Kids, 69 the Temple, 70 Comments on My Blog, 71 Service, 72 Contact Lenses, 73 When CW Comes Home, 74 $5 Pizzas, 75 Weekends Free of Any Obligations, 76 Games, 77 a Prophet, 78 Phone Calls from Loved Ones, 79 Talented and Inspiring People in the World, 80 Coming Home after Being Gone, 81 Disney Movies, 82 Bedtime, 83 Babysitters, 84 Canning and Food Storage, 85 Fresh Baked Bread, 86 Missionaries, 87 a Child's Prayer, 88 a Dry Night - without Bed-Wetting, 89 the Smell of Clean Kids after Their Bath, 90 Lessons Learned, 91 "Please" & "Thank You," 92 Water, 93 the End of 9 Months of Pregnancy, 94 Bonus Checks, 95 an Uninterrupted Shower, 96 Lotion, 97 Time, 98 Hope, 99 Ideas, 100 the Opportunity to Stay at Home and Be a Mother


Thursday, November 19, 2009

Blogging Blahs

If you hadn't noticed I've struggled with the whole blogging thing in recent months. And considering that my blog is just over a year old, that indicates I've pretty much struggled with the whole blogging thing from day one. I want to blog. I want to want to blog. But lately I don't really want to do much of anything. My attitude reeks worse than the sour milk LuV spilled into some unreachable crevasse of the car. I don't really like who I am right now. My hormones are out of control. Seriously. One night I sobbed until my pillow was drenched and I'd run out of reasons to pity my poor, sorry self. I went to sleep feeling like a pathetic loser, not unaware that I was acting very much like a high school version of myself. A time when my self esteem couldn't even be detected under a microscope. A time when I loathed just about everything, and myself most of all. These days are not at all unlike those days. And I really don't want to blog about how self-absorbed and insecure I am right now. I don't want people to know what kind of a person I REALLY am, and I especially don't need to be reminded of this pitiful chapter in my life, especially when it's a repeat, and perhaps a common theme throughout my life.

And that, my friends, is why I am a bad blogger. I am essentially a fortress when it comes to most people. You've heard of walls? I've surrounded myself with them. So what possessed me to start publishing what I think and feel on the world-wide web? It's insane how much stress it causes me. Every post I agonize over, wondering what people will think, not only of my words, but of ME! I don't want to sugar-coat my life. I don't want to write about how my children are perfect (or at least better than yours) and I don't want to write about how every day is filled with fabulous, creative, educational, super-entertaining activities, because I'm super mom (that would be blatant lies). But I also don't want to write about my actual day-to-day frustrations and feelings of inadequacy. Life as a stay-at-home wife and mother does not come easily for is not my dream job, and I'm not a natural at it. When I started my blog I wanted to write about the GOOD things in my life, so I would enjoy them more, and so I could look back and remember that life was and continues to be GOOD. Lately I haven't felt a lot of GOODness....It's there, I just need to be better about recognizing it.

And next time I feel an anxiety attack coming on when I sit down to write a post, I need to find the GOOD and forget the rest. GOOD thing I finished today was a project I started with my mom and sisters and sisters-in-law a couple weeks ago. It's an advent calendar made out of a muffin tin. The 24 days until Christmas are made with scrapbook paper and embellishments glued to a magnet to cover the muffin cups. Each day the girls can take off a magnet to find a little treat along with some sort of Christmas-y activity or project or service for that day. Here's hoping that I can get my stinky attitude in check and enjoy the holidays, at least for the girls' sake. Otherwise I might need to check myself into a mental institution until this baby is born - a little medication and even a straight jacket and a padded room doesn't sound too bad right about now.

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