Friday, September 6, 2013


While walking to school, Ellie realized she forgot her lunch. I ran back to the house to get it, because I'm such a good mom. I'll need to remind her of that next time she throws one of her "you're always so mean!" comments at me. It was hot - I haven't run since July, maybe June. It was definitely a day I should have been wearing a bra. Oh well.

Lauren came out of kindergarten holding hands with another girl. It made my heart happy. She is making friends - Avery, Claire, Lucy, McKenna. A hard thing to do for a 5-year-old starting school and only knowing one other boy.

We are off to a good start. Piano lessons and art classes were a hit (at least for week one). I want to go to the state fair tomorrow - do you think I can convince the husband to brave the parking and crowds? He hates the crowds and parking so very much. Wish me luck. Happy weekend!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Hello, Again

I want to blog more. I don't want to lose these moments; these precious, fleeting moments of my current life. My life that will never again be just like it is now. This life that makes me crazy some most days. This life that I take for granted. This life that I dreamed about and prayed for and over a decade ago I wanted so badly it hurt. I want to remember it all. And I want to be grateful for it now, while I'm living it. I don't want to wish these crazy, hectic, messy house days away.

Jane started preschool and ballet this year. She thinks she is the biggest girl in the world, and in my eyes she is. She walked into preschool today by herself. I wanted her to need me, but not really, because I love her confidence. My baby isn't my baby anymore. Ballet. She has been practicing, and when we got to class she was bouncing up and down with anticipation. The entire 50 minutes she was glued to her teacher's side, showing the other girls how ballet is done. Because she is 3, and already a ballerina.

Lauren is my kindergartener. She has waited for this day for so, so long, and now that it's here I'm not sure it's met her expectations. Or maybe it's just those early mornings that she's struggling with. As of today she is still jealous of Jane getting to go to preschool. I hope that changes - I want her to love school and learning. She is my soccer player and tumbler. She would join anything and everything if I would let her. She is making friends, and I am proud of her every day for trying hard and being kind (I hope!).

My Ellie, my oldest child. The first child of a first child. I've made and broken so many promises of things I wouldn't do with my oldest. I pray the hardest for Ellie. We butt heads...a lot. Our mornings are spent in arguments over clothes and hair - it's hard for me to let things go. (It's that oldest child, both of us wanting to be the one in control - makes for a rocky relationship.) Ellie is a good girl, so smart, so responsible, so very stubborn. I worry about her friendships. I will move to a new neighborhood for this child...I want the same neighborhood we moved into 6 years ago...I want all the kids who have moved away to come back. It's hard to watch your children grow up and make their own choices. Ellie is in 3rd grade, and has always been a great student. We finally quit soccer (hallelujah!) after realizing that she doesn't like games where there is a winner and loser. She is starting piano lessons and art classes, and continuing with tumbling. I hope she finds something she enjoys - we haven't succeeded yet. She is young - I don't know why I feel pressure for her to find her "thing" already.

Craig is working...hard at a job that he doesn't love. I appreciate that he spends so much of his time doing something that isn't something he would choose to do. He does it for us. He copes by looking for new jobs, new houses, new land, new dogs, new cars - by daydreaming. He ran a relay race in Oregon - 18 miles in 3 legs. He trained hard, and I am proud of my runner husband.

I am failing at laundry and housekeeping. It's supposed to be easier now that they are older, but I am just hoping that I can get all the kids where they need to be and still maintain what little sanity I had to begin with. I just got called as Primary President, which is anybody's guess as to what I'm doing here and why. My personality is not kid-friendly, and I worry that I don't connect with the children as well as I should. And so I have things to learn, and areas in which to grow, which is always a good thing. I am feeling lonely in a ward where people have moved on and left us behind. I am anti-social, and not anxious to make an effort when I feel old and frumpy compared to the new models. That is my poor attitude, and I know it needs to change, but not sure how.

Life is good. Busy. Healthy. Comfortable. Happy. Changing. Growing up.
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